Dive deeper.

You said you loved me. I don't think you ever did. It felt like, more than anything. it was in a way that a parasite loves a host.

It started out fine, you were a good friend to me and adored me in ways that I've never been before. It was the dormant stages of an agreed contentment. Then, you changed. You wanted more from me than I could give.

I would've taken your hand in mine and guided you to split me from my sternum, a vivisection of me for you to see.

I would've let you pull my organs out, red streamers to celebrate our friendship. Blood would drip from the walls but I would sit there with a smile, okay with being just next to you.

I would've held you close to my heart, close enough you could pull it out if you wanted to if you stayed. I would've let you take my skin and turn it into a coat if that meant you wouldn't freeze; If you just stayed.

Except that wasn't enough. It was never enough.

You were a parasite under my skin. You were burrowing deeper and deeper in my heart, piercing my flesh and eating me alive from the inside out. I couldn't love you like you wanted, so I gave you everything I could. That is, until it began to hurt. No matter how much I scratched, trying to stay comfortable while I let you take everything from me, I only ever hurt myself in the end. Blood underneath my fingernails, my skin marred, a scene of gore and self destruction. That still wasn't enough. Nothing was enough.

(But you made me feel wanted- that was enough for me.)

What you wanted from me was to love - love you in a way that's not possible. I just wanted your company. I just wanted to be next to you. It didn't matter if I was caked in gore because sometimes it's more comfortable to itch. The parasite, you,left behind a constant itch, a constant agony from your biting.

But I ignored it- after a while you learn to get used to it. Like it. Crave it. At least it was warm- at least I can feel at all.

You wanted to stay. I wanted you to stay despite it all. No matter how hard I scratched and gritted my teeth, I could never stand the feeling of squirming underneath my skin as you left.

I had to have my friends pry you out of my skin. Their hands got covered in gore and blood for me, skin swollen, the pain fiery hot, a flame reflected in the red pooling down my arms.

Like a surgeon, they bandaged me up, adored me in ways I thought you did and got me back up on my feet.

It's been a long time without you, my sweet parasite. I sometimes look back at the scars with nostalgia, wondering if you'd been better off staying there. I sometimes still feel my skin itch where you used to be.

You wanted me in ways I couldn't give.

I just wanted to be your friend.